THE coronavirus has triumphantly ended its classic run in England by infecting the country’s head of state, it has confirmed.
After a two-year rampage through every level of British society, Covid will be declared officially over later today after finally making it to the upper echelons of the Royal Family.
A spokeman for the virus said: “If it’s got to go out – and the extreme right of the Tory party say there’s no other choice – then go out right at the bloody top. Bang.
“It was always the plan. Generate word-of-mouth interest by mingling with the grassroots population, before building up to a big spectacular finish. Like Wham! The Final at Wembley.
“Any virus will tell you that you don’t just start with the Queen. You’d be painting yourself into a corner in terms of headlines. But by carefully staggering our rollout we’ve managed to grab public attention one final time.
“Quite simply we’ve got nowhere to go from here. We’re the last movie of a blockbuster trilogy. If we came back with a new variant it’d be diminishing returns and would only tarnish the thrilling rush of the original.
“As Elvis said, always leave ‘em wanting more. People will be asking themselves ‘how could any pandemic top that?’ for decades to come.
“Thank you and goodnight, Britain. Covid has left the building.”
