‘BIEBER fever’ is a sexually transmitted bacterial infection, scientists have confirmed.
Concerned parents had assumed the condition was nothing more than a mild condition caused by the innocent hysteria which fills the air at Justin Bieber events.
But the Institute for Studies has discovered it is a chronic sexual disease with symptoms including hallucinations and pus.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “We’ve traced the bacteria’s origins to a backstage area at Bieber concerts known as The Pit.
“It’s a dark, moist room lined with ragged black satin. There’s a DJ playing 80s industrial music, Nosferatu-like lesbians writhing menacingly and a table covered in little white plastic cups full of raspberry squash.
“Justin himself wears rubber and a pair of strap-on hooves. Anyone who touches his hair is nailed to the floor.”
He added: “We believe the bacteria incubated in The Pit before escaping during a particularly dangerous rendition of Never Say Never and then spread quickly as Bieber fans licked each other on the face and hands in response to Justin’s overwhelming raunch.”
Father of three, Tom Logan, said: “My 14 year-old came to me and said ‘dad, I think I’ve got Bieber fever’. I replied that I should hope so as those concert tickets cost a fucking fortune.
“She then explained that I had misunderstood and that according to the internet she was going to need some strong antibiotics.”
Professor Brubaker said: “I can’t decide whether to call it Bieberrhea or Biemydia.”
