Food

THE humble British crisp has beaten banh mi, pulled pork empanadas and slow-cooked beef burritos to be named Best Street Food.

ADULTS have been enviously eyeing the straightforward and tasty children’s menu in a London gastropub, it has emerged.

A CARTOON baker is confident that nothing will happen to the freshly-baked pie he has placed by an open window to cool.

A GASTROPUB has given up on making its vegan food taste good and is using cardboard instead, with no effect on sales.

A WOMAN who appears normal in every other respect is unable to drink more than two-thirds of a mug of tea.

PEOPLE on diets are wondering how flattened pieces of shrivelled matter can possibly be called ‘cakes’.

CHILDREN across Britain have been informed that absolutely nobody turns pancakes over by flipping them up in the air and catching them perfectly in the pan.

A VEGETARIAN at a burger restaurant has paid £14 for a big mushroom in a bun.

A NO-DEAL Brexit will mean that Britain’s only crisp flavours will be ready salted, salt ’n’ vinegar and cheese ’n’ onion, manufacturers have confirmed.

A MAN has done significant damage to his home and its contents by attempting to spread butter straight out of the fridge.