Food

MCDONALD’S have introduced a new plant-based burger that lets vegans experience the shame and disgust of consuming vile, greasy processed food.

WHILE it’s fine to follow a plant-based diet, it’s less fine to get on everyone’s tits about it. Here’s how to strike that delicate balance.

SUPERMARKETS no longer just tell you what’s in the packet - expect oodles of flavour, slathers of olive oil and dollops of pretentious bollocks. Here’s how they reel in their poncey customers.

A RISK-TAKING adventurer is making a cheese-and-pickle sandwich without using a chopping board.

A FAMILY are unable to stop eating handfuls of turkey, mince pies and Quality Street despite not being remotely hungry.

THE female head of a polyamorous vegan household is carving the Christmas dinner nut roast with imperious self-importance.

THINK Christmas is all about premium food and drink? You’ve clearly never enjoyed the following British festive essentials.

CHRISTMAS Day isn’t about joy and merriment for your body. It’s a punishing marathon of overindulgence it barely survives. Here’s what it goes through.

A FAMILY are regretting their decision to let daughter Lucy cook Christmas dinner instead of Mum.

A WOMAN vomiting due to food poisoning has reassured her waitress that her food was absolutely delicious and there was nothing wrong whatsoever.