Food

SALT here, king of the condiments, the wonderful white stuff that makes everything better. You know who I resent? My workshy colleague, pepper.

HAVING one too many in the pub must do strange things to the taste buds, because it's the only place where you eat these deranged foods.

A SOPHISTICATED Northern man has asked to see the list of available sauces rather than just plump for the house red.

PANCAKES are quick, easy and delicious, so why not ruin them by f**king about being fancy? These unnecessary twists will make every heart sink.

YOUR daughter started uni last year and immediately became a tiresome vegan. Here’s how to feed her when she pops home for the weekend - while still guzzling meat like a wolf yourself.

PUTTING oat milk in tea ruins it and anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is a lying bastard, it has been confirmed.

BEANS are not fancy enough to be given their own ramekin so stop serving them like that, diners have agreed.

GOURMET restaurants and fancy dinner parties are for people with friends. Here’s what’s on the menu for those who always eat alone.

A MAN from Barnsley enjoyed a taste of life in the Big Apple as he ate a New York-style sandwich bought at his local Tesco Express.

A MAN who has travelled so far from his roots he does not even know who he is anymore believes himself too good for a toasted sandwich.