FEEL like treating yourself this lunchtime? Reckon you’ll give that new place a go? Don’t waste your time because no gourmet meal can beat a sausage roll:
An £8 sandwich
It may be served on gorgeous sourdough and contain deluxe Italian cheese you’ve never heard of, but it’s too fancy to be big so you’ll be left unsatisfied and reaching for a packet of their £4.50 organic beetroot crisps, and still spend the afternoon hungry.
A seafood platter
Where better to celebrate a pitch gone well than an upmarket seafood place? Everyone knows where – Greggs. You’ll get more bang for your buck and you’re less likely to get the squits mid-afternoon.
Salad
The determination to prove to yourself that salad can be lunch never goes away despite a lifetime of disappointments. But still, driven by the urge to be healthy, you load up on exotic leaves and fresh dressings and declare it a marvellous lunch and recommend it to all your colleagues. Then at 3pm you nip out for a sausage roll.
A burrito bowl
So many choices of meat! That one has chorizo in it! Some of it’s got on your tie! Jesus, are there jalapeños in this? It didn’t say that on the menu! You know where you can get one single unspiced meat that’s guaranteed to be great? In a sausage roll.
A box of sushi
The main motivation to get this is so you can give your colleagues a smug ‘I’ve got sushi for lunch’ look. Why not replicate that feeling of cultural superiority by eating a sausage roll with chopsticks?
A steak
It’s on the company dollar, so you’re going to splash out on a fancy steak? Cliché much? Save yourself a fortune in sirloin and sides by choosing a main and carb all in one in the form of your old friend who’s never let you down, the sausage roll.
