AN OCADO delivery driver has admitted that his job is largely to obstruct residential streets for indefinite periods.
Tom Booker, speaking from his 3.5 tonne box van in the middle of a suburban close in front of several homeowners desperate to get out, confirmed that delivering groceries is a mere excuse for his key role.
He continued: “We trick people by offering easy, simple home delivery then load a paltry few crates into a massive van far too big for the road we’re visiting.
“Then we park across the road and pavement in order to inconvenience both drivers and pedestrians, but it’s fine because we leave our hazards on.
“Of course we know full well we’ll be at least ten minutes. The plastic bag ban’s really helped us in that regard, and substituting a box of fish fingers for a six-pound sea bass guarantees a fairly solid row.
Ocado chief executive Julian Cook said: “Our loss-making home delivery service was founded to stop people just trying to get around their own neighbourhood.
“The fact that people also pay us for the food we deliver is neither here or there.”
