Environment

CHINA’S burning coal faster than its children can sew on sequins, Bitcoin’s gobbling up electricity faster than a fan heater in a damp bedsit, and the bloke up the road’s just bought a three-litre BMW SUV.

A WOMAN refusing to remove her winter coat despite it still being quite warm out is sweating like a pig, she has admitted.

A CAT has woken up on the roof of a random car after an all-night drinking session, it has emerged.

AN UPPER class woman is obviously in love with her horse, it has been confirmed.

PUB pool tables are at risk of becoming an endangered species, experts have warned.

A DOG struggling to get a big stick through a front door will neither leave it outside nor change his strategy, he has confirmed.

THE Beluga whale spotted in the Thames has changed course after finding out the price of a London pint.

EVERYONE had forgotten England is generally absolutely freezing, it has emerged.

A MAN swimming with dolphins thought they would do more, he has confirmed.

A GROUP of cats has belatedly discovered it is far easier to get things done if you work as a team.