subscribe
/ Sign Out

'Loyal' penguin's 10,000 mile journey includes brothel detour

MAGELLANIC penguins, supposedly nature’s most loyal animals, have a whorehouse on their migration route.

It had been believed that the birds remain faithful to one life-long partner, despite making long individual journeys between southern Argentina and Brazil.

However research by the Institute for Studies found that Mustang Sally’s Tits-A-Go-Go, a large neon-lit ‘erotic resort’, is on the birds’ migration path.

Proprietor Mustang Sally said: “We get a lot of Magellanic penguins in here, they’re big spenders but they want the real kinky shit.

“We had a penguin in this morning, he was like, ‘I’m a horny bird with a flipper full of cash, bring me girls of varying ethnicities’.

“Sometimes they want to bone, other times they just lounge around eating fish and watching the live girl-on-girl stage show.”

However Magellanic penguin Tom Logan said: “I might have visited Tits-A-Go-Go but only because I was tired and wanted a warm bed after walking 5,000 miles on tiny stumpy legs, which I think is fair enough.

“I always just assumed it was a normal bed and breakfast, never saw any funny stuff going on.

“Anyway, I’ve got a wife and chicks back home and have no interest in any of these girls that supposedly work there, especially Candice with the endless legs and eyes the colour of fresh sprats.”

 

 

The Snowman sequel is about a boy and a puddle

THE sequel to Raymond Briggs’ The Snowman follows a boy’s increasingly desperate attempts to have adventures with a puddle.

The Puddle begins the day after The Snowman, as the slushy remains of the title character dissolve into a small pool of greyish water.

The snowman’s companion, a lonely boy in pyjamas, remains crouched by the puddle, waiting in vain for it to come alive so they can visit magical places.

When the boy finally returns home carrying a slipper full of water and describes it as his best friend, his parents have him sectioned.

The second half of the story follows the boy’s unsuccessful attempts to convince doctors of his sanity while simultaneously insisting he flew through the night sky to visit a snowman’s ball.

Raymond Briggs said: “Everyone remembers The Snowman as this incredibly sweet tale but actually it’s about a sad, isolated little boy who meets an incredible friend that promptly dies.

“But that’s just how life is. Especially if you’re a children’s book author, the third most screwed-up demographic after stand up comedians and crime writers.

“I certainly don’t think it’s too disturbing for kids. Should you wish to see something that’s too disturbing for kids, I refer you to the panel showing dead bogey babies in Fungus the Bogeyman, or When the Wind Blows in its entirety.”

 

 

Next story ›