Celebrity

A TEENAGER has decided she has no choice but to spend the next 48 hours policing the microscopic behavioural lapses of celebrities to stop them getting away with it.

THE Princess of Wales has explained that her fingers were injured when an aperture closed on them without warning, causing a fracture.

IN my experience, family parties can be chilly affairs where nobody wants to talk to you. Here’s how to break the ice.

THE residents of the village which a famous actor was born in, raised in and left forever the moment he was able to are still incredibly proud of him.

MENTION an iconic hot chick like Bo Derek and anyone under 30 – no, 40 – will stare at you blankly. And these sexual references are also out-of-date.

ARE you a straight man and a basic bitch who’s never had an independent thought in his life? These are the famous women you fancy by default.

CELEBRITIES tend to be slightly mental and also somewhat obsessed with their looks. As such they should not be allowed anywhere near cosmetic surgeons, as these stars prove.

CELEBRITIES have taken to social media to reassure 18-year-olds that A-levels are crucial and without good grades they will never achieve anything.

IN their ravishing youth you had no chance, but now they’ve been ravaged by time you could get to at least second base with these.

THE man who holds Britain’s balls in the claw of his withered hand is open to marriage to anyone who provides soup, it has emerged.