Celebrity
I can't take it much longer without going insane, says proud dad William
PRINCE William has spoken of his joy at becoming a father.
These baby photos are very poor, do them again, says Britain
THE Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have been told to do new photos of Prince George because the first lot are dreadful.
Apache helicopters better at killing people than landmines, says Harry
PRINCE Harry has called for a global landmine ban insisting they are a waste of time compared to his multi-million pound helicopter of death.
Royal baby growing uncontrollably
THE royal baby is growing at an alarming rate.
OK! magazine reporting on celebrity afterlives
INCREASINGLY deranged gossip magazine OK! is to begin covering the love lives and confessions of celebrities post-mortem.
Wiley turned into a cow
RAPPER Wiley has been turned into a heifer by the witches of Cumbria.