A MULTI-MILLION ceremony to place a heavy hat on a man has really put the cost-of-living crisis into perspective, Britain has agreed.
Across the UK, whether an Aberdeen fisherman, a Belfast shipworker or a single mother in Birmingham, Britons are delighted with the three-day celebration of one of the world’s richest men that their taxes paid for.
Kelly Howard, who works two minimum wage jobs, said: “To be honest, after the simplicity and ease of the global pandemic, cost of living’s been a bit of a thorn in my side.
“I’m unable to afford fresh food, rent’s up, the heating’s not been on since Christmas, the children wear rags, and it’s been making me feel a bit sorry for myself.
“But when King Charles III came rolling down the Mall in his golden carriage with all those lovely colourful soldiers, I suddenly realised that it’s not the NHS or social care that needs funding, but him and his lovely family. Especially Andrew.
“Watching them switch between crowns, each more elaborately bejeweled than the last, took my mind off the black mould creeping up every wall. The tradition, the pageantry, the sheer historical significance, it all left me quite light-headed. Or that could be hunger.”
She added: “What a marvellous occasion, and now a day off! Except for me. I work in retail and I’m paying out more than my wages in childcare.”
