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Now I'm beginning to doubt whether the Queen even met Paddington, admits royalist

THE doctored Mother’s Day photograph of Princess Kate has a royalist questioning whether the Queen actually met Paddington Bear for her Platinum Jubilee.

Monarchy fan Mary Fisher admits she is no longer certain that Queen Elizabeth enjoyed tea with a talking bear on that magical 2022 weekend, in light of the Princess of Wales’s digitally manipulated photo.

Fisher said: “That was the only good thing that happened this decade. But now I’ve seen Princess Charlotte’s weird hand I’m becoming more sceptical.

“Maybe if you zoom in close on Paddington? Will there be tell-tale signs of fakery? Was the very real warmth between him and her late Majesty just applied afterwards by Pixar?

“Now I watch it again, his voice does sound incredibly similar to that of the actor Ben Whishaw. Like, suspiciously similar. Did she even like Paddington? When I laid a toy of him at the gates of Buckingham Palace after her death, was I making a fool of myself?

“If the Palace can lie about Paddington they can lie about anything. Next they’ll be saying that Prince Andrew was in fact guilty of sex crimes or that Diana’s death wasn’t an accident. You can’t trust them.

“At least I can rest easy that the Queen met James Bond and parachuted into the Olympic opening ceremony, aged 86. That definitely happened.”

British son f**ked again by US Mother’s Day mix-up

A BRITISH man has once again been f**ked over by Google’s assertion that Mother’s Day falls in May. 

28-year-old Jordan Gardner planned not to give his mother a single thought this weekend, as usual, until his idle thought that cards were in Sainsbury’s Local early this year turned into the dawning realisation that he had done this again.

He said: “F**k. Bloody Americans. I swear they move this bastard around.

“Last year I didn’t even realise I’d missed it and presented my nonplussed mother with a basket of Lush shit two months’ late. And then she insisted on keeping it even though technically I was within my rights to take it back.

“This year I saw adverts online and thought ‘I’m not falling for that again,’ but apparently they were appropriate to my region this time, and if I’d just clicked and sent my mum flowers she wouldn’t be ignoring my texts today.

“I can’t win. It’s Schrödinger’s Mother’s Day. Whichever cup I guess the ball is under, it’s the wrong one. If they can’t make this as uncomplicated as birthdays and Christmas, I’m out. Sorry Mum. I’m just not comfortable with the level of risk.”

Mother Ivy Gardner said: “Your sister texted and told you the date last Wednesday. She was here when she did it.”

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