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I am ‘Becky with the good hair,’ admits Mary Berry

MARY Berry has admitted she is the ‘Becky with the good hair’ named by Beyonce. 

The octogenarian began an affair with Roc Nation boss Jay-Z, a fanatical Bake-Off viewer, after he sent a series of messages praising her signature pear and ginger pavlova.

She said: “Obviously I was bowled over, as I’ve been a fan of his since Reasonable Doubt, and replied with a few insiders’ tips on how to make his soufflé rise.

“Pretty soon he was asking me for photos of cakes I’d made hot and fresh from the oven, and I’m afraid to say I eagerly obliged.

“My apologies to Beyonce, but perhaps she should spend less time wearing gold lame mini-dresses and more time wearing an apron.”

Millions of people dropping phones on their face each morning

BRITAIN is facing an epidemic of people hitting themselves in the face with their phones while lying in bed each morning.

Doctors are urging people to do their early morning smartphone use while lying on their side, rather than dangling the device over their heads while still half asleep.

Smartphone user Mary Fisher, from Stevenage, said: “This morning I woke up, grabbed the phone and then dropped it right in my sodding eye. Hurt like a bastard.

“The worst part is I’m just checking my messages on Facebook and it’s usually someone I don’t know posting in some pathetic group I totally forgot I joined.”

“And I’m getting hit in the face to see that.”

Stephen Malley, from Peterborough, added: “I once dropped my iPad on my face. You can still see the mark on the bridge of my nose.”

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