Business

THAMES Water is just as full as shit as the river it is named after and is responsible for pumping human excrement into, analysts have advised.

‘BECAUSE we value our customers, we are continuing to charge the full price for a service that is far worse than advertised,’ say businesses, and the f**kers get away with it.

BUSINESSES displaying ‘Dogs Welcome!’ signs have clarified that they only mean nice, well-behaved and well-groomed middle-class dogs whose owners spend money.

WATER companies have told customers they can either pay higher bills or start enjoying excrement coming out of their taps.

£75m of Baroness Mone’s assets have been frozen. These are just a few of them.

EVERY big company in the UK has a wanky slogan, even the laughably useless privatised utilities and the downright evil Post Office. Here are some suggestions for updating them.

FORMER Post Office chief Paula Vennells will charge an eye-watering sum for returning her CBE by post, it has emerged.

YOUNG people all over the country are baffled after receiving small rectangles of paper for Christmas.