THE government is to force councils, even in nice places, to build nasty little red boxes and to pack them with the kind of humans who can consider such a thing ‘home’. 

Local authorities will have no choice but to give over perfectly good derelict land to be turned into wastelands of the boxes, which will have mock-Doric columns over their porches and artificial lawns.

Tom Logan of Peterborough said: “How utterly vile. A fresh batch of them with their fat-ankled children, gas barbecues, New World wines and unrelenting interest in football.

“Even when they close their curtains at night, I’ll know they’re in there. Watching ITV. Making squalid plans for a hot tub.

“Does the government not realise every new-build home for the last 50 years could be demolished with its inhabitants inside and the only negative for the nation would be a surplus of Oasis tickets? If not, why not?”

Eleanor Shaw of Lichfield agreed: “Imagine being stupid enough to believe the whole point of life is getting your name on a mortgage for a house, and then settling for a vile little Bellway box. The sheer banality of their lives is wounding.

“I walked past on of those estates and their children gathered. I held up a book and they scattered, hissing like cockroaches, leaving only trampled Wotsits behind them.”