Business

LABOUR will not promise that capital gains tax will rise, but have you, or has anyone you know, ever paid it? This FAQ explains what it is and why the answer is no:

THE soaring number of office workers selfishly dying at their desks is costing Britain £2.6bn a year, a new report has found.

A MAN decades younger than you who has already achieved more than you ever will can go and f**k himself, older generations have agreed.

THE Post Office has announced that counterfeit stamps, heavy rain and the Arctic Monkeys’ recent loungecore albums are all postmasters’ fault.

THAMES Water is just as full as shit as the river it is named after and is responsible for pumping human excrement into, analysts have advised.

‘BECAUSE we value our customers, we are continuing to charge the full price for a service that is far worse than advertised,’ say businesses, and the f**kers get away with it.