Business

THE classic Rabbie Burns poem about the ‘best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men’ has been amended to make it clear that it is Ryanair that ruins them. 

FLIGHT cancellations mean that thousands will be spared the ordeal of travelling with Ryanair, it has emerged.

A BUS company has unveiled a radical new approach that involves buses running vaguely on time.

A TEAM-BUILDING weekend has succeeded because it focused on workers’ shared loathing of their employer.

A 36-YEAR-OLD woman says she feels ‘relieved and happy’ after admitting that she would rather shop in Marks & Spencer than Topshop.

THE first rule of Primark is never talk about Primark, the bargain clothes retailer has confirmed.

TECH giant Google has decided that sexism and tax no longer exist, it has emerged.

THE Bank of England has vowed that £5 and £10 notes will continue to be the animal fat-packed extra-crispy flavourful savoury treats that Britain loves.

A NEW food line aimed at greedy bastards is now on sale at Morrisons.

SHOPPERS have welcomed more expensive Tesco carrier bags because they have finally stopped them visiting the shite supermarket.