Business

A VAST new company will ensure every last penny of your money is turned into profit for the private sector, the government has announced.

AN Uber executive has asked the European court if it can explain what a ‘taxi’ is again but slower because he still does not get it. 

A MAN has found and purchased something of use at a Christmas market, it has been confirmed.

THE threatened closure of Toys R Us has been linked by parents to it being easily the most expensive place to shop in the whole of the UK. 

THE UK has demanded that all the smug bastards who own bitcoin lose their entire investment before Christmas. 

A GATHERING of workers to generate business ideas only produced dark and twisted visions, it has emerged.

THE election of Donald Trump has sent bitcoin soaring, so there has never been a better time to invest. But what exactly is bitcoin, and why should you spend your life savings on it?

RAIL company bosses are wondering how to spend the rest of their meeting after instantly agreeing to hike prices.

BRITAIN has confirmed it is knocking off because it is now Christmas.

WETHERSPOON customers are demanding that the pub chain opens its doors at five in the morning.