Business

MUMS have formed a militia to defend their favourite branches of Marks & Spencer by any means necessary, they have confirmed.

THE makers of Fray Bentos pies have reassured fans that although the tins are changing, the contents will remain vile.

RAIL operators have told passengers to stop using trains if they are too lazy to spend a few hours researching ticket prices.

TSB CUSTOMERS are now using a barter system to pay for rent and food, they have confirmed. 

A PROPOSED merger between Sainsbury’s and Asda will finally make middle-class Britain realise its imagined superiority is nothing but a lie. 

NORTHERN supermarkets are to start selling pesto, it has been revealed.

THE DIRECTOR of a mid-level marketing firm has demanded his team ‘get granular’ but won’t explain what that means.

BECAUSE we are Britain, in all its overpriced, lukewarm, rundown former glory.  

A MAN who spent three days with colleagues outside their normal environment has discovered they are all completely insane.

WORKPLACE success is largely based on picking the right moment to be a twat, a new study has found.