Business

RYANAIR has promised passengers that they will receive generous compensation and replacement flights once they run its maze of death.

BISCUITS have responded triumphantly to the news that packets of the hated Jaffa Cakes will now be smaller.

A GUARDIAN-reading Londoner is hailing the Uber ban as a victory for worker’s rights despite being secretly pissed off.

OBSESSIVE Remain voters who have lost the ability to think about any other topic now have their own dating app.

LONDON drivers have already started to relate to their passengers the Great Saga of the Black Cabs’ Triumph over Uber which will be told for centuries to come.

THE pilot of a Ryanair flight has announced that the plane is cruising at 36,000ft, that skies are clear all the way to Madrid, and that he hates his employer more than you ever could.

A 42-YEAR-OLD woman has realised that her cash-in-hand babysitting job 28 years ago, where she was paid for watching telly and eating crisps, was her career high.

THE classic Rabbie Burns poem about the ‘best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men’ has been amended to make it clear that it is Ryanair that ruins them. 

FLIGHT cancellations mean that thousands will be spared the ordeal of travelling with Ryanair, it has emerged.

A BUS company has unveiled a radical new approach that involves buses running vaguely on time.