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'I've always hated you': What your friend said in their deleted WhatsApp message
WHATSAPP loves shit-stirring by telling you a friend has deleted a message. Here’s a reasonable guess at what they said.
‘I’ve always hated you’
There’s always that one friend in the group chat who you suspect has always loathed your very being. And for good reason, because they do. In fact they couldn’t contain their hatred during a back-and-forth about pub logistics and finally revealed their true feelings in a short, brutal message. It was a bit too real for everyone else though so it was promptly deleted.
‘I am sleeping with you wife/ husband/ parents’
The guilt was eating your friend up, so they had to just come out and say it. Their message was only withdrawn before you could read it because it wasn’t really suitable for a group titled ‘Jane’s Baby Shower Girlies’. Bear with your friend and they’ll add you to the ‘shameful admissions’ chat. It’s all kicking off in there.
‘You were a mistake’
Not in terms of being added to the group chat. No, in a broader, ‘being alive’ sense. Your parents have confirmed that your existence baffles them because they were never trying for kids. That’s not to say they hate you, but if they could go back in time they’d probably give your conception a miss. Not even a crying while laughing emoji can smooth over that bombshell.
‘We all know that secret you’re trying to hide’
Don’t play dumb. You know the shameful secret of which they speak. Deny it all you want but everyone in the group chat is well aware of it. They only decided to delete the message because they’re busy organising an intervention and they want to retain the element of surprise. It’s for your own good. You need help.
‘You’re actually pretty cool, mate’
Sincerity is not permitted in the lads’ group chat. Only football-related banter, GIFs that would offend even 4chan and complaints about the in-laws are allowed. This uncharacteristically kind message was swiftly shitcanned before everyone else could pile on your mate and call him a bender. And they would’ve gotten away with it too if WhatsApp wasn’t a filthy little grass.