BEEN to the zoo recently? Then you may have made some of these complaints about animals that have been caged for your viewing pleasure.
Why are they asleep in the day?
Some animals are nocturnal or have a different circadian rhythm from a family of four from Nailsworth, meaning they might be asleep when you visit. However, you feel aggrieved that this selfish animal’s basic biology has messed up your weekend. The least the zookeepers could do is zap it awake with a cattle prod.
They don’t do much
You’re pissed off that the animal is lying down doing nothing. Have you mistaken the zoo for a travelling Victorian circus? What were you expecting, a dancing bear on a chain? Despite the fact that forcing a bear to dance is a cruel practice that is now illegal, you secretly feel it would offer better value for money.
They shouldn’t clean their cages now
So you’ve arrived to find that the zoo’s star attraction, a lion, isn’t in its enclosure as it’s being cleaned. Rather than accepting that, like most living creatures, this lion doesn’t want to be trapped in a confined space with its own piss and shit, you decide to moan about wasting your £20 admission fee.
Why are they so difficult to spot?
You went to the reptile house and couldn’t see the chameleon? Well, some animals’ whole schtick is that they are extremely well camouflaged. You don’t like this incredible feat of nature, though, and write a complaint letter suggesting they are spray-painted bright yellow to improve your next visit.
You have to walk for ages
Zoos are, usually, massive. This is to ensure that the animals have enough space and don’t end up pacing miserably or tearing each other to shreds. However, you’re finding the gentle stroll around tiring and would prefer it if they put all the animals in one big pit and offered you a chair to watch the ensuing carnage unfold.
