HAVE you wasted precious time and money watching films that were not great, only to be insulted by an idiotic cliched ending? Here are some that need to stop.
Unending endings
Whether it’s Superman or Bond, the trend is for action mayhem that goes on for 45 knackering minutes at the very least. We’re pretty sure Spielberg never thought ‘This is a terrific ending. You really need a nap during it’.
The villain pops back up for no reason
A staple of horror movies, but sometimes just a regular baddie who you didn’t conclusively see die with 60 bullets in him. The director somehow thinks it’s a clever scare, but it makes watching the film a bit of a waste of time as The Slasher Man will clearly keep returning in increasingly shit sequels.
A terrible, terrible twist
These can be obvious – lay off the twist endings for a bit, M Night Shyamalan – or done countless times before ie ‘It was all a simulation!’ or just nonsensical. You’ll think ‘How can the victim run over the serial killer in a car if they’re the same person with a split personality, which doesn’t really work like that anyway?’ Or, more likely, ‘F**king hell. Is the bar still open?’
Everyone just dies
Sometimes apt in a film with a tragic theme, often just tacked-on to seem deep without the hassle of thinking of a proper ending. Increasingly with franchise movies like Rogue One, everyone has to unceremoniously kark it because they’re not in the 1977 film.
Loads of stuff in the end credits
Go and f**k yourself, Marvel. Even if you’re inexplicably interested in an upcoming film with Paul Mescal as Stegron the Dinosaur Man, your immersion in the film has been completely broken by finding out who did the catering.
Last minute changing what’s canon
Star Wars can’t stop doing this. Rise of Skywalker featured the brand new ‘force dyad’ plucked fresh from JJ Abrams’s arse, and the simple measure of crossing lightsabers making them incredibly powerful. Our supposed heroes the Jedi must have been thick as pigshit to never notice this.
