BEFORE you met your partner you had select, refined viewing tastes, until they got you obsessed with this total shit:
Below Deck Mediterranean
This American reality show set on a super yacht was unbelievable bollocks for the first 15 minutes, after which you got pathetically invested in the day-to-day lives of the crew as they turned down beds and cleaned puke out of the hot tub. Within one episode you were writing off their $15,000 tip as ‘f**king tight’.
Love Island
At first you only watched Love Island in brief, ironic glimpses as you looked up from your phone. Now it’s a nightly obsession where you search for cracks in Gemma and Luca’s relationship. If you spent as much time in the gym as you did watching this exploitative crap you’d be shredded enough to go on it. You’d be dumped first, but still.
The Repair Shop
All the talk of ‘tight screws’ and ‘bent rods’ used to make you snigger until it won you over with its wholesome charm. In theory The Repair Shop is as dull as watching dust accumulate, but everyone on it is so bloody talented that you’re riveted. Except for Jay Blades, who stands around looking spectacular but appears to do f**k all.
This Morning
During lockdown you got suckered into This Morning because your partner popped it on and you couldn’t be bothered to do Joe Wicks. Two years later, with no excuse, you’re still glued to Phil and Holly’s fixedly upbeat worldview. You can barely hold down a day job knowing that you could be missing a viewer winning £100,000 in tax-free cash.
Only Connect
‘Who wants to watch Oxbridge nerds show off how smart they are?’ you used to think. But your partner liked it, there was nothing else on and now you’re shouting your answers at the screen during Connecting Wall rounds. Your partner would admire your intellectual engagement but you’re yet to get a single answer correct. Not even in the Missing Vowels round, which is piss-easy.
Breaking Bad
You dodged it the first time but your new boyfriend’s doing a rewatch. You’re locked into 60-odd hours of high-end drama, purely because you enjoy sex with them. You’ll think you’re free when the credits roll on the last episode, but that’s when they suggest binge watching Better Call Saul in time for the season six finale.
