THERE are times in life when stripping off and having sex would be a disastrously stupid idea, and men would be down for them all. Including these.

During couples therapy

Couples therapy is a tense situation where everyone’s flaws are dissected at length while a stern counsellor quietly nods along and secretly takes sides. It’s about as erotic as defusing a bomb or bleaching a toilet. But if shagging was suggested as some sort of team building exercise, men would have their pants round their ankles in seconds. For the sake of the relationship.

On a plane flying through heavy turbulence

Every man wants to join the mile high club, even if the plane feels like it’s going over speed bumps at 550 mph and could crash at any moment. While frigid squares are quaking in the brace position with their seatbelts on, men would eagerly scuttle off to the toilets for a quickie. If you’re going to explode on a mountain, you might as well do it while you’re on the job.

At work while getting made redundant

Losing your job is one of the most traumatic things a person can go through. Not only have you suddenly got to find new work, but you also need to log into LinkedIn and update your profile. This isn’t enough to turn a man off though. If the HR manager decided to offer them a sexy severance package right there on the office table, they’d happily take it.

When the three-minute warning air raid sirens blare

The world is allegedly closer to nuclear annihilation than for many years. But if the three-minute warning sirens start sounding and people hurriedly begin to make their way to shelter, men will quickly cast their eyes around for a potential shag. The only thing hotter than the scorching glow of a nuclear blast would be one last fumble with that sexy barmaid they’ve always had their eye on.

In a dentist’s waiting room while waiting for a root canal

Not only is anxiety at fever pitch in a dentist’s waiting room, it’s also a public place. Fears of a stranger rootling around sensitive nerves or being slapped with a public indecency notice would fade away for a man if a tasty receptionist or dental nurse shot them a wink. Most of them have jacked off to much, much weirder shit on PornHub anyway, so this would be a breeze.