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Man mourning Sinead O'Connor in way that reflects well on him

A MAN is mourning the late Sinead O’Connor by remembering all the times he agreed with her and was proven right over the years.

Thomas Booker, 49, has told the world via social media that O’Connor’s voice was important not only because it was beautiful, but because it was radical, before listing a number of her political positions that were also his.

He said: “I didn’t share Nothing Compares 2 U on Insta. Know why? Because political tracks like Black Boys on Mopeds are far more representative of the anger I felt and she articulated.

“Also, that time she tore up the picture of the Pope on telly? I was right there with her. Not directly, because they didn’t show Saturday Night Live over here, but when I read about it in the papers and when I found out it was about abuse some years later.

“Lots of people get less radical as they get older, but not me and Sinead. We never quit on our beliefs, me by fighting for Jeremy Corbyn on Twitter and her in the songs from her more recent albums. I won’t name them because you wouldn’t know them.

“And, like her, I’ve shaved my head, though I only started doing it in my early 40s. She beat me to it on that one! Still I think people recognise the commonality and the commitment.

“It’s sad to see so many claiming to mourn when they didn’t understand her. I’ll get out there and correct them. It’s what she would have wanted.”

Piss droplets that just won't shake: Six toilet hazards men stoically face every day

WOMEN may be fated to suffer the pain of childbirth, but it’s nothing compared to the hell a man must endure whenever he needs a wee. Here are just some of the grave dangers.

Piss droplets that just won’t shake

All men, rich and poor, of any colour or creed, know there is simply nothing to be done about that final droplet of piss. Even the most vigorous and robust shake is never enough to release the stubborn bastard. In the worst nightmare scenario, droplets may reach your light trousers, an incident that colleagues will forever refer to as ‘Steve’s damp patch’.

The horror of a befouled men’s room

Women’s toilets are, presumably, wonderful places with flower arrangements, scented candles, violinists and possibly woodland fairies flitting about gaily. Men’s toilets, on the other hand, are a horrifying indictment of man’s limitless depravity. Walk into the wrong public toilet and you’ll see something so ungodly it will mentally scar you for life – like a turd in a sink.  

The social politics of the urinal

The modern world is strange. We have affordable luxury and privacy, but men still have to line up like pigs at a trough and piss in unison. The unspoken rules of urinal etiquette make the experience more tense and complicated than a Christopher Nolan film, from what constitutes an acceptable shake to being wedged between two fat lads, feeling so self-conscious you’re unable to muster even a dribble.  

Being cast into oblivion by the motion sensor at work

What could be better than getting paid to drop a deuce? However a lengthy shit at work can result in the Lovecraftian nightmare of the motion sensor switching the light off, hurling you into a pitch-black abyss. To avoid wiping blind, you have to wave your arms around like a castaway on a desert island desperately signalling to a plane. Your arse will eventually be clean, but the indignity doesn’t wipe away so easily.

Male noises

The sounds heard in a men’s toilet are not human. They more closely resemble the kind of noises you’d hear in a zoo’s warthog enclosure. It isn’t the sounds of the anus you fear, although those are unpleasant enough, it’s the chorus of coughs, grunts and moans that are most psychologically unsettling.  

Unpredictable penis aim

Imagine pouring yourself a glass of milk. Now imagine that, instead of going into the glass, the milk spurts out of the bottle like a volcano and drenches the ceiling. That’s what it’s like to own a penis. You’ll endure a lifetime of spraying toilet seats and bathroom floors like a tomcat. Even meticulous safety planning can’t prevent an occasional misfire, so it’s lucky you just hit the porcelain tiles and not Gavin from marketing’s legs.

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