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Man cheerfully leaves comment under porn video as if that's a normal thing to do

A MAN has taken the time to leave a comment on a pornographic video, he has confirmed. 

Despite there being little incentive to do so, Tom Booker offered his thoughts on the 12-minute clip, entitled ‘Stepmom has a phat ass’, as if a worthwhile discussion might take place.

Under the pseudonym AssAndTitsMan, Booker commented ‘Nice ass and tits’, although it is unlikely the porn actress, or possibly member of the public, will ever read his generous compliment.

Booker said: “I’m glad I left my thoughts on the video. Solitary wanking is less depressing if you delude yourself there’s some sort of vibrant porn community out there having lively, erudite debates.

“There isn’t, though. Afterwards I felt nothing but emptiness and shame. Still, I bet I do it again as soon as the wife goes out.”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Commenting on pornography is the last taboo. The ethos is: get in, bash one out, leave. It’s not a chance to add your two cents. 

“There is no room for discourse in the world of hardcore spaff vids. This man is clearly a very sick individual.”

Why being a married man's side piece can really pay off, by the Queen

CONSIDERING sleeping with a married man whose wife doesn’t understand him? Girlfriends warning you it won’t work out? Look who’s Queen now, bitches.

On the surface, it was a classic case. He’s all like ‘My marriage is a sham’ and ‘We haven’t been intimate in years’ and ‘We’re only together for the children and the future of the hereditary monarchy’.

I read about them in the women’s magazines – Tatler, The Nanny and Debrett’s. He might claim they’re sleeping in separate Georgian mansions and then suddenly she’s pregnant with an heir.

But what can I say? I looked into those blue eyes and I trusted him. I believed that this man, this future King, didn’t just want to be in and out of me all day like a tampon but for us to be together.

From that day I vowed to destabilise his marriage, whether by tapping the phones at Kensington Palace or tipping off the press about her stalking that art dealer. Even better, we did it together.

It wasn’t easy when she started flinging shit in public, and the kids have never warmed to me, but my whispers of ‘That younger one’s a right diva, just like her’ paid off and he’s practically disinherited now.

We married, we cycled through a number of titles that his domineering mother and the resentful public were willing to accept, and next month he’s crowned at Westminster Abbey and I’ll be there as Queen. Not Queen Consort. Not King’s Concubine. Queen.

So ladies, if you’ve identified a married man of sufficient status naive enough to be pussystruck, ignore the warnings and have that affair. It worked for me.

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