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It's wizards after all! says Rowling

J.K. ROWLING has revealed that her new book is actually called The Wizards of Poggly Boggle, and is not boring.

As part of a devious marketing campaign, the glacial wizard book writer had pretended her latest work was going to be about local elections.

The ruse continued right until the book’s launch, as elated fans removed the bland-looking The Casual Vacancy dummy dustjackets to reveal a full-colour picture of a wizard shooting lightning out of a wand.

Rowling said: “I had you going with all that ‘literary’ stuff, didn’t I? Frankly I felt rather guilty when the so-called Casual Vacancy was announced and everyone’s faces just fell.

“But actually it’s wizards! LOADS AND LOADS OF WIZARDS!”

The Wizards of Poggly Boggle is about naughty young wizards having a competition to see who has the most wizard magic.

Rowling said: “There’s at least three wizards per page, and two monsters per chapter, and a talking shire horse called Ned Fetlock.

“You’ve never read a book with so many wizards in, it’s fucking brilliant.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to swear. I am after all a children’s writer. Specifically, a writer of children’s wizard books.”

 

 

BBC's pornographic websites not available in UK

THE BBC runs a number of porn sites that cannot be viewed in the UK because they contain advertising, it has emerged.

Many Britons are unaware that the BBC’s international revenue comes largely from websites like Beebtube, which feature streamable pornographic shows including Mastur-chef, Have I Got MILFS For You and Slags In The Attic.

Much of the content is filmed on sets used for the corporation’s mainstream television output, and features high-profile presenters naked and drenched in sweat.

But UK viewers cannot access the BBC’s vast online porn archive because the sites carry ads for penis pumps and sex contact services that would contravene strict commerciality guidelines.

License fee payer and viewers’ rights advocate Roy Hobbs said: “UK viewers are only getting a small, sanitised slice of the BBC’s output.

“It’s not enough to pleasure ourselves to Nigella, especially when we’re effectively paying for other nations to get their rocks off.”

Beebtube’s top clips include ‘Paxman speed camera debate turns into five-way’ and ‘Rogue traders go Watchdog-gy style’ which currently has a 96% user rating.

A BBC spokesman said: “We sincerely regret being unable to offer no-holds barred slagtastic action within the UK.

“However viewers should be aware that 63% of our adult content features Greg Wallace, and that these things, once seen, cannot be unseen.”

 

 

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