SOME categories of music change your life. Then there are these micro-genres which are not worth bothering your ears with.
Grunge
Grunge was an inherently sham genre used to describe Nirvana and other, lesser bands which sounded a bit like Nirvana. Musicians who openly embraced flannel shirts and the media hype missed the point and produced universally shit music, which is why nobody remembers them. And any genre inspired by a band called Mother Love Bone deserves to be erased by time anyway.
Jungle
Music aficionados will tell you that jungle music is an EDM subgenre spawned out of the UK rave scene in the 90s, which is a description that gets worse with every passing word. What they won’t be able to tell you though is a single artist or track name related to this genre. Was Goldie jungle? F**k knows.
Sea shanties
This excruciating folk-adjacent caterwauling made a brief, unfortunate resurgence during 2020, which only added insult to injury during the pandemic. As if the virus wasn’t bad enough, listening to men whose entire personality was based around having a beard sing about the sea was one of our few diversions. Let’s make a nationwide deal to agree sea shanties were a delusion of lockdown.
New Age music
Not so much music as the audible manifestation of mediocrity. New Age music used to be confined to yoga studios and massage spas, but more persistent strains have since spread to dentists’ waiting rooms and offices. In comparison, the muzak you listen to while waiting on hold to make a GP appointment sounds incredible.
Whatever the f**k Björk is
Is it electronica? Is it opera? Pop, maybe? Nobody really knows, but whatever it is, it isn’t worth remembering. The only reason anyone has put up with Björk for this long is that she wears weird shit and lured us in with vaguely accessible songs in the Nineties. That was nearly 30 years ago though. Let’s move on.
