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Art looks like a bum, say children

ALL art looks like a pair of buttocks, according to children.

Responding to comments by artist Jake Chapman that the very young do not appreciate galleries, pre-teens said they found all the pictures of bums doing poos to be highly enriching.

9-year-old Tom Logan said: “If you look at anything for long enough you can see a bum or several bums.

“My favourite is Rothko because one of his pictures is a big square bum. Perhaps about to do a poo. It is very artistic.

“There’s also a sculpture I like, I think it might be called Massive Bum.”

8-year-old Emma Bradford said: “I like Jackson Pollock because it’s not actually bums, it’s more like somebody ate a load of Starbursts then did a really colourful poo.

“It’s my personal taste but I prefer poos to bums. I think that’s what adults call ‘controversial’.”

Even shit jobs depend on cronyism

JOBSEEKERS need family connections just to get work sweeping up fish entrails, it has emerged.

You couldn’t even get a meat processing internship

The employment shortage means that personal contacts are required even to get roles traditionally reserved for people who went to sleep in their GCSE exams.

Jobseeker Tom Logan said: “There’s no point in applying to be a part-time trolley collector unless you’ve got friends in high places, like Rhys on the fish counter.

“I remember when you could just walk into a job unloading fridges from a lorry or squirting liquid beef into pie casings.

“These days you can’t even pick up clothes off the floor in Primark unless the weedy security guard wearing an Action Man jumper is your brother-in-law.

“Shit jobs were a lifeline for ordinary kids like me who would rather get high than study. Now it’s all about who you know, not what you don’t know.”

Recruitment consultant Donna Sheridan said: “Cronyism was mostly restricted to politics and the media, such as being made ‘school dinners czar’ or writing a column about boats for the Daily Telegraph.

“Now I’m starting to hear stories from clients who say they can’t get a job at McDonald’s because they weren’t in the right tutor group at the local comprehensive.

“This unfairness means people doing low-paid jobs could soon be as incompetent as their bosses,  so you might have to wait ages at the chippy while the counter staff have a brainstorming session on ‘creative potato frying’.”

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