EVERY single ride at the UK’s Universal theme park will be based on bawdy films laced with tortuous double entendres, it has emerged.
Construction plans for Europe’s first Universal theme park have revealed that the site in Bedford will be predominantly dedicated to rides based on saucy comedy movies shown on ITV2 every Bank Holiday weekend.
A Universal spokesperson said: “This park will be a celebration of the best of British filmmaking. And it doesn’t get any better than Barbara Windsor’s bra pinging off with a silly sound effect.
“Visitors can look forward to drop towers that descend to the tune of a suggestive slide whistle, and bumper cars that go ‘ooh, don’t mind if I do’ in Kenneth Williams’ camp, reedy voice when they slam into each other.
“To create a truly immersive experience, every ride will be staffed by frumpy matrons and saucy nurses, and mascots will patrol the grounds dressed as Sid James to meet and greet the crowds. It promises to be a magical, unforgettable day out.
“If it’s a success then there’s always scope to expand. We’re already thinking of opening resorts based on other British franchises like Gonks Go Beat and On The Buses.”
Tom Booker from Croydon said: “I was hoping for punishingly bleak attractions inspired by Threads or A Taste of Honey, but I suppose this’ll have to do.”
