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AI trained on Radiohead can only do two good albums

AN artificial intelligence trained on Radiohead’s music can produced precisely two good albums before dissolving into an electronic morass, researchers have found. 

Thom Yorke yesterday signed a statement asserting unlicensed use of artists’ work to train AI is a ‘major, unjust threat’ to their livelihoods, but AI engineers say training their creations on his music has so far been a depressing failure.

Head engineer Dr Helen Archer said: “It can create a solid 90s indie-guitar album with killer tracks, and follow it with a groundbreaking album with avant-garde electronica influences.

“But after that? It pretty much collapses. We managed a couple of albums that were sort of reminiscent of Radiohead while being all bleepy, but after that? We tried, we thought we liked them, but really we were only pretending they were any good.

“We tried adjusting the model to make something a bit more melodic and listenable, but all the AI gave us was a note-perfect reproduction of the Coldplay album Parachutes.”

AI expert Julian Cook said: “Unfortunately, AI is only as good as the data it’s given. And it was given The King Of Limbs.” 

Congratulate LinkedIn on its new role interfering in US elections!

THE business-focused social media network LinkedIn has just begun an exciting new role rigging presidential elections in the United States. Click here to add your congratulations! 

LinkedIn’s previous role was as a social media network connecting employers and employees since 2002. Its key skills included email spamming and never allowing anyone to leave. Endorse them?

The networks’s new promotion came as a result of recruiting Labour party members to volunteer to influence US elections, contrary to guidance from the Federal Election Commission. Add your comment.

Joseph Turner, client director at WinHit Media, said: “I’ve worked with LinkedIn for years to paint an inaccurate picture of my skills and abilities for the duration of my professional life. I couldn’t be happier to see it mired in election meddling.

“When I wanted to bombard strangers with irrelevant contact requests, LinkedIn was there for me. It’s been proud to host my self-important posts about my B2B epiphanies. The corrupt US electoral landscape is lucky to have it.

“I can’t think of a better site to undermine the special relationship. No matter what it chooses to do, I’m sure its background in meaningless corporate bullshit will lend itself perfectly to toothless Western diplomacy.”

Keir Starmer, prime minister at UK PLC, said: “I recommend LinkedIn for recruitment and providing right-wing populists with excuses for electoral losses. My rivals use it.”

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