THE European Union is close to agreeing a deal to save the single
currency with a fresh injection of 200 billion opinions into the
thinking system.

EU leaders spent the weekend angrily comparing opinions before a breakthrough emerged last night with the wide-scale acceptance that the eurozone could only be saved from collapse with even more opinions.

The deal will create a European Opinion Bank where debt-ridden countries can apply for thoughts, musings and conjecture about why their capital city is burning to the ground.

Tom Logan, deputy chief economist at Madeley-Finnegan, said: “The key thing right now is to keep the opinion supply flowing. We have to avoid a repeat of Lehman Brothers where opinion suddenly dried up to the point that there was only one opinion left.”

But it has emerged that Britain could be spared a hefty eurozone opinion bill after French President Nicolas Sarkozy told prime minister David Cameron ‘to ram his opinions back up his merde-hole’.

French finance minister, Francois Baroin, said his country would contribute an initial tranche of 250 million shrugs, while Germany’s Wolfgang Schauble said that while he was trying to be really nice about it there was only one great big opinion that mattered and we would all do well not to forget that.

Spanish finance minister, Elena Salgado, said her government would have an opinion tomorrow while Ireland’s Michael Noonan said if he was going to have an opinion about the eurozone debt crisis he wouldn’t start from here.

Their Italian counterpart, Giulio Tremonti, said his opinion was available for £50,000 and a big, dirty woman.

Meanwhile Greek finance minister Evangelos Venizelos said his country would soon be able to pay back some opinions along with interesting comments and was told to shut his face right fucking now.