WALES will use its Grand Slam victory as a spur to tackle its eternal adversary, fire.

After being crowned the best rugby union team apart from South Africa, Australia and New Zealand, national pride is at its highest since 1973 when a Pontypridd teenager gained an ‘O’ level in maths by mistake.

Cardiff-based druid elder Tom Logan said: “When we won the Five Nations back in 1911, we celebrated by finally managing to count to five.

“If there is one thing our country has lacked over the years, apart from electricity and a proper language, it’s an all-encompassing and easily-wounded pride that has no foundation in reality.

“If we can just master the naked flame, we might be on to something.”

Previous experiments with fire have gone disastrously wrong for Wales, with an attempt to light a cooker leading to the formation of Anglesey.

Meanwhile inhabitants have had to rely on lightning strikes to spark jealously-guarded fires which are then huddled around by up to 750,000 people at a time.

Latest research has yielded poor results with the best ideas so far including rubbing two ducks together or hitting people who live in Flint.