Life can be tough for a superstar racing driver with wads of cash

Dear Holly,

I’m feeling pretty upset. Not many people realise this, but life can be very cruel for a superstar racing driver with wads of cash and a massive flash car. Why don’t more people pity me?

Sebastian Vettel

Germany

Dear Sebastian,

You don’t know the meaning of the word ‘cruel’ until you have spent a few hours in the company of pre-pubescent school girls. If you find yourself in this situation, avoid becoming a target by ensuring you know all the lyrics to Let It Go from Frozen, that you have at least fifty loom bracelets on each arm and that no-one knows your mum signed you up for orchestra summer club, because otherwise untold dreadful things will happen to you.

Hope that helps!

Holly

Daily Mail rates the outfits of Gaza Strip refugees

BRITAIN’S leading 1950s newspaper has provided a fashion rundown of female Palestinians fleeing airstrikes.

Under the headline ‘The Gaza Strip Catwalk’, the Daily Mail profiled a few of the many women stepping out in the Middle Eastern hotspot.

A Mail reporter wrote: “Just received a courteous telephone call from the Israelis advising you to evacuate your home?

“Then you’ve been given all the warning you need to throw together a look that’s casual, summery and practical. Especially when you know you’ll be facing the cameras.

“Unfortunately mother-of-four Shadia Kelani turned Mossad heads with an atrocity of an outfit, her embroidered dress and her chequered kaffiyeh a nastier clash than the IDF and Hamas.

“And Laila Hatoum, seen here with everything she owns loaded on a broken cart, fared little better.

“What at first glance is a daringly slashed dress is just the result of flying debris, and the running-mascara look is daring in Paris but depressingly unoriginal in Palestine.

Palestinian Rana Raheb said: “In all the excitement of having our homes pulverised we have may have forgotten the importance of looking good.

“Thank you, Mail Online, for reminding us.”