Dear Holly,
All I wanted was to be a normal 22-year-old, so I threw away my career as a global pop star heart throb. But it turns out that all normal 22-year-olds do is eat pot noodles, catch chlamydia and dream about being global pop star heart throbs. Have I made a huge error?
Zayn
London
Dear Zayn,
You need to spend some time with an old person like my granny. In a crisis she is full of mysterious wisdom like ‘the grass isn’t always greener on the other side’. I used to think this was a metaphor, but then I realised it was because she lets her dog Bilko do his business all over next door’s lawn. Basically she is spouting gobbledygook but going to visit her always makes me realise things could be worse, i.e. I could be spending my days sucking on Parma Violets and soiling myself to Escape to the Country.
Hope that helps,
Holly
