Sport

AN OFFICE worker is exhausted today because of watching something he describes as ‘the swimming’.

INTERNATIONAL table tennis players have confessed that there have been no balls involved at the sport’s top level for 30 years.

FORMER Swansea boss Garry Monk has suddenly remembered he was appointed Leeds United manager over two months ago.

THE FA will substitute lower-league teams who reach the FA Cup final for popular clubs like Manchester United.

RUSSIA is to host an alternative Olympic Games where drug use is obligatory.

THE Football Association has finally given up and appointed Sam Allardyce as England manager.

SUNDERLAND has pledged to smash its transfer record to bring in anyone, anyone at all.

CHRIS Froome has completed a stage of the Tour de France on foot after suddenly realising that cycling is not what a grown man should be doing.

WORRIED fans have been reassured that pre-season fixtures are already under way, saving them from interacting with any other aspect of society.

THE Wimbledon Tennis Championship concluded on Wednesday but nobody noticed, officials have confirmed.