WOMEN have added scoring penalties to the long, long list of things they are better at than men, it has emerged.
Hoofing footballs into a goal from the 12-yard spot has been written at the bottom of the dictionary-length list that also contains multi-tasking, remembering birthdays, and finding items that are right there in front of you if only you looked properly.
Woman Lauren Hewitt said: “If men had been playing yesterday then England would have crashed out. Meanwhile the Lionesses barely scraped through because women are inherently superior.
“That means the sisterhood can now add ‘winning penalties’ in gel pen bubble writing to our extensive compendium of male-beating qualities. Admittedly it would be much faster to itemise the handful of things we’re worse at than men, but where’s the smug sense of self satisfaction in that?
“Given the fuss the blokes made about them, we assumed scoring penalties was really difficult. Turns out they’re a piece of piss and Georgia Stanway probably only missed to lull Nigeria into a false sense of security.
“I wonder what we’ll be better than men at next? Parallel parking, not asking for directions, or maybe being selfish in bed? Only time will tell.”
Man Wayne Hayes said: “Fair play, we’ll give you penalties. Male footballers are still way better at having unprofessional meltdowns than Lauren James though.”
