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Ferguson Apologises To Pre-Menstrual Reading Fans

SIR ALEX Ferguson has apologised for upsetting Reading supporters at the weekend, saying he did not realise they were having their period.

The Manchester United manager admitted his offensive gesture at the Madejski Stadium was excessive given the delicate hormonal balance of the opposing fans.

"Football can be a tough old game," said Ferguson. "Especially if you're just some wee lassie with the painters in, who bursts into hysterics if you put sugar in her tea."

Wayne Hayes, spokesman for the Reading FC Supporters Association, said: "We were all feeling very upset and vulnerable after Ronaldo's goal.

"To then make a rude sign and raise his voice like that was just horrid. He said he didn't raise his voice, but he did."

Hayes added: "My friend Wesley is facing a particularly difficult week at work and this was the last thing he needed."

Ferguson admitted to being 'insensitive' adding: "I didn't realise how emotionally fragile they would be, especially after the previous night's episode of Grey's Anatomy.

"The next time we play Reading I'll bring along plenty of chocolate and tampons for everybody."

Bed Full Of Frogs 'Bad For Sleep'

FILLING your bed with frogs before you go to sleep could stop you getting a decent night's rest, new research reveals.

Nikki Hollis, director of the Institute for Sleep, said two-thirds of those who shared their beds with the cold-blooded amphibians woke feeling tired and irritable.

The study found an increase in the number of people who took longer to enter the 'deep-sleep' phase, often because their bed was full of dozens of noisy frogs.

Hollis said: "These results are preliminary, but they suggest that people with sleep disorders should not put frogs in their bed."

Hollis said the best way to ensure a good night's sleep was to be active during the day, avoid coffee in the evening and try not to cover your bed with frogs, drawing pins, excrement or Amy Winehouse.

She added: "You should also make sure you actually go to bed rather than trying to sleep while balancing on top of a medicine ball while someone whips you with a hose."

However, Tom Logan, director of the Institute of Frogs, said: "This is an alarmist study by an organisation with a long-standing antipathy towards frogs.

"I sleep with a bed full of frogs every night, I use frogs in my car and I work with frogs all day. And there's nothing wrong frogs with me frogs."

 

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