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I KNOW my stuff when it comes to ye olde medieval days of yore. I've watched the entire boxset of Merlin six times. Mostly for wanking over Katie McGrath when Morgana turns evil and sexy, but that's beside the point.

THE Olympics has brought dozens of muscular, scantily-clad hunks to our screens. But is objectifying anyone acceptable in this day and age?

WHEN it comes to questionable dating choices, there’s nothing so visibly freakish as a batshit big age gap. So why do people do it? We explore the mostly positives about dating someone who regularly gets mistaken for your grandpa.

"And is there a Mummy Longlegs?” – you, chatting up a crane fly.

WAKING with a hangover which makes me contemplate self-decapitation, I recall my inadvertent involvement in the Opening Ceremony of the 2024 Olympic Games.

WAGWAN? Parentdem say man needs to earn own cash to know its value. Wot is you talkin’ habout, fam? Active J knows value, coz cash ‘as numbers printed on da notes, innit.

A WOMAN has taken her commitment to live by traditional wifely values all the way by having an affair with a sexy stable boy.

The Olympic Games stem from the human desire to both watch sporting excellence and declare that you could surpass it, if not for a trick knee.

If you buy a Roomba, make sure you’re the one who takes it out of the box because it thinks the first person it sees is its mother.

WAKING with a feeling of wellbeing, elation and high self-esteem, I reflect on what led to this happy condition - oddly, a conversation with my private physician, who suggested I address my alcoholic intake.