Politics

I asked my son what he wanted for Christmas and he said 'Stop the boats, daddy'

WHAT have we come to when a five-year-old tot is begging his father to stop uncontrolled immigration? It’s disgusting that such a true thing should definitely have happened.

Who are the same old right-wing Tories f**king everything up again?

WHO are the same few right-wing lunatics once again threatening to bring down the government over bullshit? We wearily re-introduce them.

Woman simply does not have time for election this side of Christmas

A BUSY mum has urged MPs to back the Rwanda bill because she simply does not have room in her life for a general election right now.

Disgraced serial liar and man who came third in reality show are Tory dream ticket

A MAN Britain has still not forgiven for lying to them and a man who came third in a little-watched reality show are the dream ticket for the Conservative party, apparently.

Cutting from Magic Money Tree gifted to Rwanda

A SLENDER branch from the Magic Money Tree has been gifted to Rwanda for taking away asylum seekers, it has emerged.

Jenrick leaves Britain for Rwanda

IMMIGRATION minister Robert Jenrick has quit the cabinet and Britain for the ‘earthly paradise’ of Rwanda.

Six other things that are now safe because I signed a treaty, by James Cleverly

RWANDA is now perfectly safe for migrants because I, James Cleverly, signed something saying so. And, drunk with power, I also declare these activities safe forever.

If you only knew how racist we really are, sigh right-wing voters

THE right-wing voters the Conservatives are wooing with a reduction in legal immigration are shaking their heads at this woeful underestimate of their prejudice.

I dress up as Thatcher and strangle myself until I ejaculate, says Starmer in appeal to middle England

KEIR Starmer has set out to appeal to Home Counties Conservatives by revealing he dresses as Margaret Thatcher and chokes himself to orgasm.

Current Suella Braverman attacks Suella Braverman of Sept 2022-Nov 2023

THE Suella Braverman of Sept 2022-Nov 2023 was ‘a slap in the face’ for voters, Suella Braverman has insisted.