Politics

DAVID Davis has told the EU that if they think Northern Ireland’s so bloody great they can sodding well have it. 

A MAN somehow believes that arch-wanker Jacob Rees-Mogg is a brilliant individual who would make an excellent prime minister.

BRITONS will be empowered to demand the papers of anyone a bit foreign-looking after Brexit, a leak has revealed. 

JACOB Rees-Mogg is favourite to be the new Tory leader because Britain votes for whatever is funny, it has confirmed.

JEREMY Corbyn has admitted that even he is not self-righteous and smug enough to become a vegan. 

DAVID Davis is to get through the next round of Brexit negotiations by cupping his hand to his ear and pretending he is unable to hear.

A LATE-SUMMER wasp in a kitchen has reassured the electorate that it is here for the long-term.

THERESA May has been returned to her Japanese manufacturers Hitachi for a full factory upgrade.  

SCOTTISH Labour leader Kezia Dugdale has quit to wander her native land as a scorned prophet whose warnings of imminent destruction will be ignored. 

FORMER Manchester United footballer Gary Neville has been providing live commentary on the ongoing Brexit negotiations. Here are some highlights.