Politics

THE prime minister has returned from her walking holiday in the Alps with what she promises is an “absolute genius” idea.

UK voters desperately want a pro-European party with sensible centrist policies, according to people determined to ignore the existence of the Lib Dems.

JEREMY Corbyn has finally spoken out about the increasing price of Freddos, saying that both sides 'have a point'.

A RETIRED man who spends several hours a day posting pompous right-wing comments on websites is wondering how he coped before the internet.

A MAN who spends a huge amount of time posting hysterical left-wing comments on websites is genuinely wondering how he coped before the internet.

DAVID Davis has offered himself for crucifixion if Britain can leave the EU on favourable terms.

ELDERLY 'Leave' voters have admitted they thought Brexit was a chocolate-covered wafer biscuit.

KEN Livingstone has claimed Britain would be a much better place if he had killed all the people on his hit list when he had the chance.

VINCE Cable has unveiled plans to appeal to younger voters by saying he is going to vote for Jeremy Corbyn too.

THE prime minister has confirmed that she is spending her three-week walking holiday trying to come up with something even more ruinous than her last terrible idea.