Politics

THE UK is only allowed the Christmas gifts it wanted on a whim in June 2016 whether or not it has changed its mind since, the government has confirmed.

A LEADING Brexiter feels the unfolding chaos of Brexit is going well from the vantage point of his massive house in France.

GEORGE Osborne has admitted to being a political idiot.

CHANCELLOR Philip Hammond has predicted an economic boom after a dream he had about electric unicorns.

BRITAIN is f**ked into a cocked hat because the former leader of the Labour Party did not know how to eat bacon, experts have confirmed.  

A REMAINER'S pleasing feelings of superiority over other voters have been marred by genuine terror over what is coming next.

THERESA May is allowed to keep her position as universally loathed shit-shoveller until the shit is shovelled, the Conservatives have confirmed.

THE ghost of a Victorian child has distanced herself and her era from the cruel policies of Jacob Rees-Mogg.

MORE than a century into the future, the UK is still waiting for the EU to come up with a creative solution to the Northern Ireland border.

THE government has postponed the rollout of universal credit until it can be lost among all of its other upcoming serious fuck-ups.