Politics

THERESA May will attempt to distract from her robotic, off-putting personality at the Brexit TV debate by using glove puppets, she has confirmed.

BREXITERS have agreed that the UK’s economy is oversized, unwieldy and needs to be trimmed by about eight per cent.

IN JUNE 2016, you voted for Britain to leave the European Union. But do you have any idea why you did this or is it lost in the mists of time?

THE prime minister has returned to Wales to make one last attempt at working out if there is any point in it even being there.

THE prime minister has demanded a TV Brexit debate so she can repeat the same six meaningless platitudes while visibly panicked.

EVERYONE in Britain has confirmed they will happily vote for absolutely anything as long as they do not have to ever hear the word 'Brexit' ever again.

AFTER years claiming to be a powerful Conservative force, Jacob Rees-Mogg’s attempt to unseat May has left him as humiliated as his tiny mentula left him in the showers at Eton.

THE DUP is increasingly reminding the UK of that one flatmate they had who was always standing in the kitchen, arms folded, furious.

BORIS Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg have held super-secret talks in a proper tree house where girls are not allowed, especially Theresa May and Amber Rudd.

THE prime minister has announced that it is Monday fucking morning and she is still fucking here.