Politics

I REGRET that I must resign as leader of the Scottish Conservative party, because: f**k this sh*t.

THE destruction of Alderaan with a giant space laser was business as usual and nothing to get worked up about, a Tory MP has claimed.

THE UK has finally concluded that the monarchy is as useful in a crisis as an upside-down urinal, it has emerged.

BRITAIN is now officially a banana republic with sunshine, a sham democracy and a reasonably good football team.

IT seems my opponents have signed a pledge to legislate against no-deal Brexit. Sadly they appear to have forgotten that I’m Boris, and I do whatever I f*cking want. 

JEREMY Corbyn is conspiring with other MPs to thwart a no-deal Brexit. Here apocalyptically furious Brexiter Roy Hobbs describes some punishments the traitors should face.

ARE you sick of the backstop getting in the way of Brexit while being too moronic to understand what it is? Leave voter Martin Bishop runs down the alternatives.

NO-DEAL Brexiters claim that after October 31st life will be a jolly self-sufficient romp growing vegetables, keeping pigs and having it off with Felicity Kendal.

THE Liberal Democrats are making a comeback by once again sounding reasonable and sane compared to everyone else. Here’s how to justify your instinctive loathing.

BORIS Johnson is to put Angela Merkel at her ease with a solid five minutes of Nazi jokes at today’s meeting, he has confirmed.