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Working class man reckons someone called 'Annunziata Rees-Mogg' is on his side

A WORKING class man actually believes that someone called Annunziata Rees-Mogg relates to him and has his best interests at heart.

Wayne Hayes, who lives in Doncaster and drives a forklift, is wholeheartedly behind the politician and her totally genuine and in no way cynical push for Brexit on his behalf.

Hayes said: “We’re basically the same. She didn’t go to university either.

“So what if she had a bit of help from her old man along the way? My dad lent me his car last week when mine was up on bricks. Same thing.

“And just like her when she failed to win the seat of Somerton and Frome, I fuck up at my job constantly. I reckon she’d really get around me and my mates, and we’ll take her to the boozer when she comes here.”

Annunziata, which is Latin for ‘peasant eviscerater’, has yet to visit Hayes’ constituency as she is demanding they corral all the local poors into an out-of-town leisure centre before she arrives.

Could Thatcher's ghost sort out Brexit?

MARGARET Thatcher is now long dead but what if her spirit was contacted during a séance on a wet weekday afternoon in a parlour in Surrey?

The Irish Back Stop
Seance organsier, Emma Bradford said: “We believe that Maggie’s spirit moved the glass on the table to signify that The Irish Back Stop problem could be solved by invading a far away country and destabilising the industries and infrastructure of many major towns.”

Freedom of Movement
Local séance attendee, Mary Fisher said: “We contacted her spirit and she told us that we could solve freedom of movement by simply acknowledging that society doesn’t exist and thus, why would you need to move around anywhere? Which makes sense if you’re mad and dead.”

The Customs Union
Seance sceptic, Donna Sheridan added: “Maggie’s spirit apparently thinks we could solve that by saying ‘Now then, now then, Now then, Now then’.

“You can see why I’m sceptical.”

 

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