Politics

THE headmistress has called another special assembly to tell pupils and teachers alike how very cross she is with them.

THERE are nine – nine! – fucking days left until economic armageddon and still the same shit is going on, Britain has realised.

THE government has admitted it is addicted to parliamentary defeats and is already jonesing for another one.

THE Speaker of the House has clarified that he only smirked when cancelling a third Brexit vote yesterday because it was so incredibly funny.

HUNGRY, exhausted Brexit marchers have demanded an emergency airdrop of food, shoes and clothing from the EU if they are to continue. 

IF you’re a Brexiter, don’t let Brexit being delayed and turning into a total shambles stop you having a fantastic street party. Here’s how to plan an unforgettable event.

THE UK has suggested to Theresa May that if she still wants to make March 29th special it could be the day she finally fucks off.

THE cabinet have confirmed that they openly refer to Theresa May as ‘the dickhead’ in meetings and she acts like she has not heard.

BREXIT voters have asked what a ‘tariff' is after discovering the term this morning.

THE Queen has responded to Brexiter calls to dissolve parliament by clarifying she is going nowhere near that shitstorm.