THE USA is determined to ruin your future and the only way to hit back is to follow Canada in boycotting its goods. What will you no longer buy?
Jordan Gardner, canal dredger: “I won’t be buying squirty aerosol cheese, a Cadillac, Texas Instruments calculators, Louisville Slugger baseball bats or Hershey bars, much as I don’t already. Maybe Trump’s got a point about this trade deficit.”
Helen Archer, bookmaker: “All Hollywood movies. It’s only British-made films for me from now on, even though 90 per cent of them are about Jim Broadbent waiting for a bus.”
Jack Browne, egg sexer: “I shall no longer be sucking Yank dick. It’s been a family tradition since my great-grandmother was a land girl in 1943, so I won’t deny it hurts.”
Steve Malley, app developer: “From now on I shall be taking no interest whatsoever in American football and I expect every one of this country’s 69 million citizens to join me.”
Lottie Phelps, magician’s assistant: “Crack cocaine. Though to be honest I say that every Saturday morning.”
