THE new prime minister has announced the end of toolmaking time and the beginning of a new era of liberal elitism.
Keir Starmer, now in command of a massive Labour majority, has moved on from discussing his humble origins to focus on his power-crazed future of outlawing common sense and reversing Brexit.
He said: “You may have noticed that I skirted around what I planned to do when elected prime minister. This was deliberate.
“But now I have won my majority – is it super? Can we get Angela to check that? – I no longer need to hark on about tools, their making, or the paternal figure responsible. I’ve got borders to open.
“The rich will be taxed, the public sector will be paid, human rights will be protected in law. That last sentence was absolutely terrifying if you’re a Tory.
“I am now, the results rolling in continue to confirm, the f**king daddy and daddy is going to do whatever daddy wants to. And it ain’t making f**king tools.”
Voter Tom Logan said: “Him? We didn’t elect him, not really. He’s just a by-product of kicking out the Tories.”
